Term of Endearment or Verbal Abuse?

[kriadydragon]

I was watching an anime the other day and as is usually the case with animes one character was verbally abusing another - calling them an idiot, moron, etc. All out of endearment of course, but it made me think: Do people really do this to each other? Even to people they love? Do they call family and friends idiots and morons? To their faces?

I've always had issues in fic when someone will have one character really, really insult another character, even though other character is one character's friend. It's why I squirm whenever Rodney calls John an idiot to his face and John just sits there and takes it, or Peter calls Neal an idiot to his face. Because... would anyone actually do that? Because even if the person doesn't mean it, even if they're just teasing, those are still some pretty strong words. If a friend, or especially a family member, called me an idiot or moron just to be kidding around, I'd be pretty friggin' ticked.

I suppose I could understand it if that's just the way the person is, they don't mean it, and everyone knows this. And I could see the recipient of the insult putting up with it because they felt they deserved the insult (because they actually did something to deserve it, not because they were conditioned to think they deserve it). But... still... I would think it would be rather hard not to take at least some offense. After all, a line should be drawn as to how far someone's abrasiveness can go.

What do you all think? Do you know people who are insulting but because that is the way the person is, or because the person doesn't mean it, no one takes it personally?

Comments

[black-raven135.livejournal.com]

It is one reason why I find McKay so hard to tolerate.
I wonder how HE would feel if people were so demeaning to him?
I believe I have said before that intellect is made up of many things
and in my book AND it does not feature demeaning another person in order to
enhance self.
I find it reprehensible behavior in any case. It is not cute, nor is it warm affection as some writers seem to think.

[kriadydragon.livejournal.com]

I see it in stories and on TV but it's only now hitting me as to whether or not people actually do this. Out of anger, okay, I can see that. We say a lot of things out of anger. But as a term of endearment?

That's why I could never really handle Rodney calling Sheppard idiot or moron in a fic. Sometimes it has even thrown me right out of a story. We never see Rodney get that insulting with Sheppard and I highly doubt Sheppard would put up with it if Rodney did. I'm starting to see the same thing happen in the White Collar fandom and like with SGA, it's kind of making me squirm.

[black-raven135.livejournal.com]

I highly doubt Sheppard would put up with it

**NODS***
If he did, it would not be the Sheppard WE all know.........it is some person created in the mind of a writer who is not dealing with the real personality, but something they have conjured up in their limited thinking.

In reply to your question about a term of endearment.......it is NOT
in any ways endearing

[nynine.livejournal.com]

I think it conventional, as you say, between characters in anime, and buddies in mystery fiction regularly do some form of it, adapted to their circumstances and personalities.

I get that you are asking about real life. In the family I grew up in, no, nobody ever did this. But the fact that I was/am not used to accepting it has been a sort of handicap in the real world. My husband's siblings tease him and each other heavily, and feel that I'm fair game too, so I often have to take long walks when there are family gatherings. To me it verges on the viscous at times.

My sons do a version of this, too, but it is much more affectionate, and they always smile and trade little whacks or scuffles. It has a different flavor. It's loving, not like vultures after prey. Glah.

I think if people mutually respect each other, they're going to try not to hurt each other, and that means not using words that aren't mutually understood to be acceptable. As for what those are, it seems to vary. Peter and Neal don't call each other idiots.

Thank God.

[black-raven135.livejournal.com]

I find that so hard to understand...........and when I was growing up my dear maternal grandmother even censored us for saying "Shut up"
She explained nobody speaks to another person in respect when they
use such terms.
I reiterate what I said about McKay, I don't know anything about Peter and Neal, he does NOT respect and is mean spirited when he uses such derogatory terms.........
and for that reason, I have little respect for him.
It is NOT cute, nor is it endearing. It is disrespectful PERIOD.
Fortunately Sheppard is above it all..............

[kriadydragon.livejournal.com]

Shut up is pretty much banned from our house as well. Not that it stopes me from using it on the dogs when they won't stop barking.

I'll be honest - I think there's a small danger in tossing insults around like they aren't insults. Get too comfortable with it and you might end up using the terms on the wrong person. And as the saying goes, you get more flies with honey than you do with vinegar. Teasing is fun and harmless when everyone knows it's just teasing, but using terms of actual endearment do a lot for mental health. Negative words, even when used to tease, after a while they accumulate and run the risk of bringing people down.

[black-raven135.livejournal.com]

Terms of endearment are never snide and demeaning..........at least that is my opinion.
It burns me up the way McKay demeans Sheppard who is NOT stupid by any means.
The military pilots I knew were NOT stupid........who reflected a trait which McKay seems to be lacking, common sense.
I personally do not believe the Sheppard who we know and love would take it as the writers keep indicating he would.
I just don't find it at all acceptable to dismiss it as 'just kidding, just fooling around......you know'
I don't buy it PERIOD.

BTW I can relate to a SHUT UP!! directed at a nonstop barking dog.
:D