Term of Endearment or Verbal Abuse?

[kriadydragon]

I was watching an anime the other day and as is usually the case with animes one character was verbally abusing another - calling them an idiot, moron, etc. All out of endearment of course, but it made me think: Do people really do this to each other? Even to people they love? Do they call family and friends idiots and morons? To their faces?

I've always had issues in fic when someone will have one character really, really insult another character, even though other character is one character's friend. It's why I squirm whenever Rodney calls John an idiot to his face and John just sits there and takes it, or Peter calls Neal an idiot to his face. Because... would anyone actually do that? Because even if the person doesn't mean it, even if they're just teasing, those are still some pretty strong words. If a friend, or especially a family member, called me an idiot or moron just to be kidding around, I'd be pretty friggin' ticked.

I suppose I could understand it if that's just the way the person is, they don't mean it, and everyone knows this. And I could see the recipient of the insult putting up with it because they felt they deserved the insult (because they actually did something to deserve it, not because they were conditioned to think they deserve it). But... still... I would think it would be rather hard not to take at least some offense. After all, a line should be drawn as to how far someone's abrasiveness can go.

What do you all think? Do you know people who are insulting but because that is the way the person is, or because the person doesn't mean it, no one takes it personally?

Comments

[elrhiarhodan]

I can't speak to SGA, but with regards to WC...

I can't recall a specific instance where Peter called Neal an idiot (but that doesn't mean that he didn't - I just don't remember), but when he did - I am 100% certain that it was not intended to be wounding or insulting. One of the hallmarks of the relationship between Peter and Neal is how much Peter respects Neal's intelligence, how much he's attracted to it. That was established in Pilot - the now-famous bit of dialog between Peter and El:

Peter: Neal's smart. You know how much I like smart.
Elizabeth, joking: Is he as smart as those Ivy League Co-eds they throw at
you?
Peter: He's almost as brilliant as the woman I married.

This admiration is mutual - and it's one of the things that makes their partnership work so well. So, if Peter calls Neal an idiot - it's like calling a really tall guy "Tiny". Unless Neal does something idiotic, like stealing a gun and nearly shooting someone.

However, I can agree that when this is done repeatedly, and without reason, it can become verbal abuse.

[kriadydragon.livejournal.com]

I can see Peter telling Neal not to do something stupid or idiotic, and we know that Peter asked Mozzie to tell him if Neal was about to do something stupid. But for Peter to say, directly, "Neal, you are an idiot"... well, I'm of mixed opinions, really. I can see Peter doing that, but more out of frustration than out of teasing. Peter still wouldn't mean it, but I can't quite see him using such terms just to give Neal a hard time. But that has a lot to do with how I personally view Peter. He's a mature, by the book guy and I don't see him being that kind of playful with Neal.

But, that said, I could be wrong. I'm very "what you see is what you get" when it comes to shows, so until we actually see Peter tease Neal by calling him an idiot or what have you, then it's something I have a bit of a hard time wrapping my mind around.