kriadydragon (
kriadydragon) wrote2010-12-20 08:41 pm
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Term of Endearment or Verbal Abuse?
I was watching an anime the other day and as is usually the case with animes one character was verbally abusing another - calling them an idiot, moron, etc. All out of endearment of course, but it made me think: Do people really do this to each other? Even to people they love? Do they call family and friends idiots and morons? To their faces?
I've always had issues in fic when someone will have one character really, really insult another character, even though other character is one character's friend. It's why I squirm whenever Rodney calls John an idiot to his face and John just sits there and takes it, or Peter calls Neal an idiot to his face. Because... would anyone actually do that? Because even if the person doesn't mean it, even if they're just teasing, those are still some pretty strong words. If a friend, or especially a family member, called me an idiot or moron just to be kidding around, I'd be pretty friggin' ticked.
I suppose I could understand it if that's just the way the person is, they don't mean it, and everyone knows this. And I could see the recipient of the insult putting up with it because they felt they deserved the insult (because they actually did something to deserve it, not because they were conditioned to think they deserve it). But... still... I would think it would be rather hard not to take at least some offense. After all, a line should be drawn as to how far someone's abrasiveness can go.
What do you all think? Do you know people who are insulting but because that is the way the person is, or because the person doesn't mean it, no one takes it personally?
I've always had issues in fic when someone will have one character really, really insult another character, even though other character is one character's friend. It's why I squirm whenever Rodney calls John an idiot to his face and John just sits there and takes it, or Peter calls Neal an idiot to his face. Because... would anyone actually do that? Because even if the person doesn't mean it, even if they're just teasing, those are still some pretty strong words. If a friend, or especially a family member, called me an idiot or moron just to be kidding around, I'd be pretty friggin' ticked.
I suppose I could understand it if that's just the way the person is, they don't mean it, and everyone knows this. And I could see the recipient of the insult putting up with it because they felt they deserved the insult (because they actually did something to deserve it, not because they were conditioned to think they deserve it). But... still... I would think it would be rather hard not to take at least some offense. After all, a line should be drawn as to how far someone's abrasiveness can go.
What do you all think? Do you know people who are insulting but because that is the way the person is, or because the person doesn't mean it, no one takes it personally?
no subject
I get that you are asking about real life. In the family I grew up in, no, nobody ever did this. But the fact that I was/am not used to accepting it has been a sort of handicap in the real world. My husband's siblings tease him and each other heavily, and feel that I'm fair game too, so I often have to take long walks when there are family gatherings. To me it verges on the viscous at times.
My sons do a version of this, too, but it is much more affectionate, and they always smile and trade little whacks or scuffles. It has a different flavor. It's loving, not like vultures after prey. Glah.
I think if people mutually respect each other, they're going to try not to hurt each other, and that means not using words that aren't mutually understood to be acceptable. As for what those are, it seems to vary. Peter and Neal don't call each other idiots.
Thank God.
no subject
She explained nobody speaks to another person in respect when they
use such terms.
I reiterate what I said about McKay, I don't know anything about Peter and Neal, he does NOT respect and is mean spirited when he uses such derogatory terms.........
and for that reason, I have little respect for him.
It is NOT cute, nor is it endearing. It is disrespectful PERIOD.
Fortunately Sheppard is above it all..............
no subject
I'll be honest - I think there's a small danger in tossing insults around like they aren't insults. Get too comfortable with it and you might end up using the terms on the wrong person. And as the saying goes, you get more flies with honey than you do with vinegar. Teasing is fun and harmless when everyone knows it's just teasing, but using terms of actual endearment do a lot for mental health. Negative words, even when used to tease, after a while they accumulate and run the risk of bringing people down.
no subject
It burns me up the way McKay demeans Sheppard who is NOT stupid by any means.
The military pilots I knew were NOT stupid........who reflected a trait which McKay seems to be lacking, common sense.
I personally do not believe the Sheppard who we know and love would take it as the writers keep indicating he would.
I just don't find it at all acceptable to dismiss it as 'just kidding, just fooling around......you know'
I don't buy it PERIOD.
BTW I can relate to a SHUT UP!! directed at a nonstop barking dog.
:D