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“You're really worried about him,” Daniel stated.
Rodney dropped his head back against the cushions. He should have seen this coming, he really should have. In drops a crisis with a major human factor and suddenly all the cool, calm, and collected people felt it their duty to play shrink. Again, Rodney didn't need compassion; he needed answers – a damn solution to the human crisis that had waltzed through his door last night.
He shouldn't have written that email.
“I'm worried,” Rodney said. He lifted his head off the seat. “I'm worried about my future lack of ass when it's chewed up and spit out because I harbored an escaped lunatic. I'm worried over the potential for Sheppard going ballistic when I'm least expecting it. I'm worrying over what the hell I'm doing and if there's any possible way out of this that doesn't end horribly and,” he scowled deeply, rapidly adding, “yes, I'm worried about Sheppard.” Damn it. It wasn't that he didn't care about what happened to the guy – Rodney had yet to call the SGC after all – he just wanted to be able to be pissed at Sheppard at the same time – have his cake and eat it, too.
This was all Sheppard's fault after all. The colonel barges in, demanding help, and yet has the tenacity to stipulate the conditions of that help, leaving Rodney without the means to get his own help so he could be of help in return then takes Rodney's bed and pukes on his floor. That couldn't be called friendship, more like being taken advantage of, putting Rodney in a very difficult position and leaving him to pick up the pieces. McKay had every damn right to be pissed, should be pissed yet couldn't dig his righteous indignation out from under all the worry.
Rodney missed being angry. Being angry meant that he was in the right and Sheppard in the wrong and he would be justified in picking up that phone and alerting the SGC -- but for a fact had been laid out before him like an ugly open wound that couldn't, wouldn't, be ignored. One plain and simple fact: Sheppard – team leader, team member – was in trouble and Rodney was the only other team member around to help him. All by himself... essentially, not counting Daniel who, so far, wasn't proving himself too useful.
McKay dropped his head back against the cushions. “Somehow I get the feeling that this is turning out to be a lot more complicated than it should be. Am I just being paranoid? The SGC wouldn't turn Sheppard back over to that hospital and those people. They'll take one look at Sheppard and know something's wrong. And Sheppard needs medical help which I sure as hell can't provide. He needs me to call someone. That's why he came to me. He's too frightened to do it himself so he's really relying on me to but hiding it by making me promise not to tell on him....”
With a heavy breath, Rodney slapped his hands over his face and rubbed. “It's too damn early for this kind of thinking, and I'm not going to call what I did in that chair sleeping. This shouldn't be that difficult. Just one phone call and Sheppard will be taken care of. End of story. Just one stupid phone call that I seem incapable of getting up to make. What the hell is wrong with me?”
He felt the couch dip next to him. “Well,” Daniel began, “if I may be so bold to suggest....”
Rodney dropped his hands then rolled his head to stare at Daniel with both impatience and expectation. Daniel had one arm draped across the right side of the couch and the other resting on his thigh, his index finger tapping his knee.
“You're not calling the SGC because you don't trust them any more than he does right now,” Daniel said, “which, really, I don't blame you. I doubt, after seeing all the bruising and, as you said, the lack of informing anyone of Sheppard's escape, that the SGC will just up and stick Sheppard back in that hospital.”
Rodney gave his fingers an enthusiastic snap and pointed at Daniel. “Exactly!”
“On the other hand, for the sake of safety, they may very well try to lock him up in a different hospital. Probably someplace non-military and local until they can get him settled into something more permanent.”
Rodney deflated, dropping his hand. “Oh. I hadn't even thought about that. Except that isn't a bad thing, right? Sheppard needs to be where the professionals are. He needs medication, routine, people who can wrangle him in when he flips out -”
“He didn't seem that flipped-out to me,” Daniel said with a shrug.
“Oh please. That's just what he wants you to think.”
Daniel exhaled sharply. “Yes, Dr. McKay, all delusional individuals are adept at being masters of deception. They plan their freak-outs accordingly.”
“You don't know Sheppard like I do,” Rodney said, stiffening. “Look up the word 'feign' in the dictionary, and you'll find his picture.”
A second exhale emptied Daniel's chest, this one deliberate, like a man pooling his patience. “No, I don't know Sheppard. I do know delusional, and there is no leash on delusional. Either Sheppard is very, very sick or very, very calm being out of that place... or....”
The final “or” made Rodney close his eyes and do a little patience-gathering of his own. All for covering the bases as he was, there were some possibilities that were best left to be the very last. To even begin to consider Sheppard's experimentation theory would be like feeding a wild animal – Sheppard wouldn't go away. More appropriately, he would keep coming back, claiming the experimentation was continuing in the new hospital he would be dumped in. There would always be experimentations, escapes, and Sheppard begging Rodney not to turn him in.
It would never stop.
Unless, of course, it was all true. But proof first then acceptance. Rodney refused to be held responsible for turning Sheppard's delusion into a full-grown fictional nightmare.
“We need to figure out what to do,” Rodney said in a massive change of subject.
Daniel sniffed and tilted his head back, miming Rodney. They sat like that in a long moment of awkward silence that was accomplishing nothing. Rodney was stuck in a conflicting state of being lead-weighted in body and wired in mind, hyper-aware enough to feel Daniel's proximity as a very obnoxious compression of air yet happily floating in a haze to not put in the effort of increasing space between them. When Rodney was on edge, the mere presence of others made his nerves coil and writhe.
“I have to admit, I'm impressed,” Daniel said. The sudden end to the silence made Rodney jump. “I never pegged you as the type who would ever develop the capacity to give a damn about anyone else.”
Rodney glowered. “Gee, thanks.”
“It's a compliment. Trust me.”
“Well, that's all fine and good, but oblique compliments aren't exactly solving our dilemma here.”
“Talking out loud helps,” Daniel said. “I would think you of all people would know that. It's just... Sam's always going on about how you're like this entirely new person from the one sent to Siberia. You think you know a guy – as she puts it. The thing is, I had a hard time taking her word for it until now. No offense.”
Rodney snorted. “Believe me, I've been offended in worse ways.”
“Anyways, it's just interesting to see is all.”
Rodney rolled his head in Daniel's direction and furrowed his brow. “Sam talks about me?”
Daniel shrugged. “Off and on. Mostly about how refreshing it is not to want to strangle you every five minutes.”
“Oh, that's nice of h -”
“More like every twenty minutes, but she swears it's an improvement.”
Rodney sagged and scowled. “Oh, yes, of course. There is absolutely no pleasing that woman.”
“Need I remind you that that woman is a friend of mine?”
“I know but that doesn't give her the right... look, forget it. Back on topic. Sheppard's pretty out of it so if we're going to call the SGC, we'd better do it now.”
Daniel shook his head slowly. “You're not going to call the SGC.”
Which had Rodney bolting upright because words like that usually belied a veiled threat. “What?”
“You're not going to call the SGC, or you would have done it by now. Look, McKay.” Daniel also straightened. “You can pretend to be practical and logical about this all you want, but it's not going to change anything. You're not going to call the SGC because, like I said, you don't trust them. At this very moment, you don't trust anyone, including me.” He held up his hand when Rodney opened his mouth to protest. “I know, Rodney. I know because I've been where you are, and knew others who've been where you are. Something bad happened to your friend; he was taken away to a place that was supposed to be safe with people who were supposed to know what they were doing, and something worse happened. You're pissed, and you're scared, and it's making it impossible to come up with a game plan.”
Daniel shifted around until he was facing Rodney eye to eye and holding his gaze. “But something will give eventually. Even if Sheppard recovers from whatever he's going through, it's not like he can spend the rest of his life hiding out here. If Sheppard doesn't recover and gets worse, then we'll have no choice but to take him to the hospital. If we call the SGC, Sheppard will freak and try to run, and I think you know that.”
Rodney did know that. In fact, he was quite sure he'd had a similar thought at some point in time. But he was so damn tired it was getting hard to remember what he had thought two minutes ago.
“So I need you to trust me, McKay. I have an idea. Just... I don't know if you're going to like it.”
Rodney went rigid with relief. “Hey, I was ready to call the SGC. I'm officially at the point where you could tell me to build a time machine to prevent all this, and I'd be willing to try.”
“Well, you're in luck since this is a hell of a lot easier... though I still doubt you'll like it. I want to call Dr. Lam.”
TBC...
