Now I Know

[kriadydragon]

Now I know why so many avoid reading fanfic while writing it. For some, it's a distraction. For others - like me - it's a good way to be plagued by self-doubt and thus end up losing motivation. You read something that wows you, then look at your own stuff - fanfic and even original - and can't help but sigh dejectedly. I have to keep reminding myself: "We all have different writing styles. Just because mine style isn't like their style doesn't mean it's not good." Still, some days it has a way of making the muses want to crawl into a hole and never come out.

I need to be careful what I read or I'm not going to get anything done :S

Comments

[titan5.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure if this will make you feel better or not, but reading your stuff does that to me. I pretty much am wowed by everything you write. When I finish one of your stories, I'm always completely amazed by your skill. Then when I go to write, I can't help but think I'd give just about anything to be able to write like that and I know I never will. There are a handful of you out there that intimidate the heck out of me and sometimes make me want to go yank all my pitiful dribblings off the net and hide them in a deep hole.

That being said, NEVER doubt your talent. NEVER, NEVER, NEVER!!! You have it in spades and it would be a crime if you ever quit. The "talent abuse" police would surely come after you.

[wraithfodder.livejournal.com]

Oh agreed. But I LOVE your stuff, which is probably why I haven't written much myself, plus just plain old writer's block.

[karri-kln1671.livejournal.com]

*nods* I suspect that much of the reason I've had so little success writing SGA is just that. There are a dozen simply phenomenal SGA writers (yourself high on that list) that I read. So, when I start writing something I start thinking that its not gonna turn out as well as the stories of the authors I adore, then add to that that those authors tend to satiate my needs for the most part... In my previous fandoms, my stories pretty came out of not being able to find what I wanted to read. (Hence my one proper SGA ficlet, which is a kidlet fic, which I adore but are hard to find.)

[imbecamiel.livejournal.com]

O.o

Okay, just trying to imagine you of all people being made to feel that way by other people's fanfic.

Having a hard time, because as far as I'm concerned you're pretty much the awesomest SGA writer ever, one of my very favorite writers from any of my fandoms, not to mention the person whose writing made me fall in love with SGA in the first place.

But then your saying that makes me feel a bit better myself, because if someone as undeniably good as yourself can be made to feel inadequate and depressed by reading others' work... maybe there's hope yet. LOL, and yet it still somehow boggles my mind to hear you say something like that. :)

Ah, but I do know the feeling well. Maybe part of the reason I'm such a pathetically slow writer... :P

So let me just say this: Oh yes indeed, your writing style may not be like "theirs" but it's most certainly very good. And please, please, please write more fast? *makes her best sad, pathetic, pleading face*

[padawan-aneiki.livejournal.com]

Aww hon! You are a fanfic writing hero. You and Titan5 are right up there for me. :D Don't hang up the scribblin'...long as you're writin' I'm *reading*. :D

I look at it like this: I'm writing primarily because I love to play; it's my 'cheap therapy.' If someone else enjoys it, then that's just icing on the cake, but primarily the writing is a process I enjoy.

As long as you love to play in the box, keep playin'. :) We're with ya.

[kriadydragon.livejournal.com]

Don't you dare yank all your fic! Without your whumpy stories, I'd go mad from withdrawal ;)

The way I figure it, you can't really call yourself a writer if you don't feel there's always room for improvement. I think every author has another author they feel intimidated by, and there are probably authors who we envy that, in turn, may be envying us.

And the loss of motivation should only be temporary. You also can't really call yourself a writer if you don't love writing so much you'll write no matter what, even while being plagued by self-doubt (which is exactly what I did today :D)

[kriadydragon.livejournal.com]

Oi, writer's block. I've been running face-first into that a lot lately.

[kristen999.livejournal.com]

Oh hon, don't fall into that pit. You're always striving for creative paths, pushing your boundaries, cracking ceilings and doing a wonderful job.

You're not formulaic and you take chances and thats a Hell of lat and most writers can't do that...even the ones who can 'write' don't know how to be creative or try for more.

I'm always doubting my abilities, wondering if I'm doing pushing enough or falling into traps. You're not alone. But thats what makes us want to improve..and that's good!

You have nothing to worry about!

[kriadydragon.livejournal.com]

"In my previous fandoms, my stories pretty came out of not being able to find what I wanted to read."

That's part of what motivates me to write. That plus the lack of canon-like Gen in a fandom. However, I still need stuff to read to help motivate me. when I first got into SGA, I wasn't as self-conscious as I am now. When I realized just how much I needed to improve, that's when the self-consciousness started creeping in. I want so badly to be a published author and fanfic is both my improving and testing ground. So when I write a story that doesn't seem to do as well as some of my other stories, or I read something I deem as way better than what I write, it does have a tendency to depress me a little. But, like I said in my post, I have to remind myself that we all have different writing styles, and just because my style isn't like someone else's doesn't mean it's not good.

Is this fic of yours posted? You've got me curious, now ;)

[kriadydragon.livejournal.com]

Thank you :D

I think every author feels that way. Like I said to Titan5, I don't think you can really call yourself an author if you don't feel the need to improve. My problem is that I let stuff get to me and overwhelm me. It really is a bad habit of mine, letting the little things upset me. (For example, the massive number of slash fic and authors, and recently, the numerous gut-wound stories that are being written, as gut-wounds tend to be a squick of mine.)

With my writing, I'll get hung up on things like who's commenting and who isn't and why, wondering if people like my stories because they are good or just because they have whump (I blame FF.net for that, a lot of people there will dish out praise to anything, even if it's complete crap), why I seem unable to grasp this concept or write that certain way just like this/that author... stuff like that. But I know I'm not the only one suffering such questions as I've run into similar posts stating similar doubts. The problem is, I can't get it through my dang head! It's like my brain wants to grasp the negative and ignore the positive and it drives me crazy :/

[ninja007.livejournal.com]

You are an incredible writer.

Don't ever forget that or those of us will be inclined to remind you....

I agree with Titan5 and just about everyone else! I know that when I begin reading a fic written by you that it will be a quality read. I won't be surprised by sudden death crap.

[karri-kln1671.livejournal.com]

You've read it, my dear. It's little John and the Haunted House with the scary clown. (A proper ficlet, not a proper fic. Long is rare for me even at the best of times.)

Erm...or did you mean my other fic from back in the days when I actually wrote? Those can be found in my various comms, but most of them are posted here, too: My Non-SGA FF Profile (http://www.fanfiction.net/~karri)

now I know

[(Anonymous)]

You're one of the very few fan fiction authors that I'm always on the look out for. You're also one of the reasons that I now own all 3 seasons of SGA on DVD's and soon to own the 4th. I am and will continue to be a big fan of O'Neill and the many stories by darn good authors of his exploits, but since I read your stories 'Eyes Wide Open' and 'Mercy' one cold December night a couple of years ago I have fallen in love with Sheppard. Darn fine writing on your part with excellent characterizations, team love, plot bunnies that boggle the mind, and last but not least NO SLASH. So just keep on supplying us with those fine from your muse in your unique writing style.

[flingslass.livejournal.com]

Me too!
Seriously I'm still on the first one (It's winter and I'm getting tired. I'm also struggling with the start but that's alright.) I hadn't read any of your stuff until recently but now I'm a big fan :D Also You've swung me onto Shep remember and I'm not that much of a fan.
I like the comment above by (profile)padawan aneiki (), Write for yourself first and then if people like it all the better. (BTW, this is exactly what Billy Joel said about his music in an interview.)

[wraithfodder.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah, sure know that feeling!

[timespirt.livejournal.com]

You have no worries, I have read many authors that WOW me and others that make me cringe, consider yourself among the WOW for me.

[sandpiper764.livejournal.com]

You've got talent for writing incredible fic. Don't second guess that. There's too few gen stories written in SGA anymore, and I always look forward to reading your work.

[kriadydragon.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

I really need to get back into the "please myself, not everyone else" mindset. I've been getting into the bad habit of trying to please others and it's been making writing less fun :P

[kriadydragon.livejournal.com]

Thanks :)

I think that's the bane of fanfic - falling into those traps that, if they don't make us doubt, get us to write less for ourselves and more for others. That's been my biggest pitfall as of late: writing for others, which in turn has me falling into yet another pit: trying too hard to improve.

But it's just something that one must continue to slough through and learn to eventually get past and ignore. I want to be a published author, and if I can't handle all the little frustrations in fanfic, then no way am I going to make it as a published writer.

[kriadydragon.livejournal.com]

Thank you :D

Heh, I actually didn't mean for this post to come out sounding like I was whining or having a self-pity moment. There really are a lot of authors who won't read a single fic while writing and I've come to understand over the years why that is. Losing motivation, I've recently discovered, is yet another reason.

Given time, though, the motivation does return, and usually in full force.

Re: now I know

[kriadydragon.livejournal.com]

*Rubs hands together in wicked glee* My dastardly plan is working, then. Soon everyone will be watching SGA! Mwhahahahahahahaha! *Cough*

Heh, just kidding ;)

And thank you :D

[kriadydragon.livejournal.com]

"Also You've swung me onto Shep remember and I'm not that much of a fan."

I find that funny because fanfic has a way of doing the opposite to me. I love Rodney on the show and enjoy writing him, but reading him in fanfic has a tendency to make me dislike him.

I need to find my way back into the mindset of writing for myself. I think that's the problem with fanfic - after a while, you become too aware of what other people like and don't like, and start adjusting your stories accordingly.

[kriadydragon.livejournal.com]

Thank you :)

[kriadydragon.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

I think the lack of gen makes up part of my motivation to keep writing SGA. Plus in SGA, there's practically no limit to the kind of stories I can think up. The problem is settling on an idea I want to write.