Honesty Time

[kriadydragon]

I'll be honest - I have jealousy issues and it's driving me crazy. It's an issue that I know is absolutely ridiculous, and that I have absolutely no reason to feel this way. But being the self-conscious and hyper-sensitive person that I am, it always manages to worm its way in and taint my perceptions. Focusing on the positive does help, but not every time. And every time the issue pops up, it becomes an interference - especially with my writing.

I'm not quite sure what to do about it or what would help, but I need to do something because I'm getting really sick of it. I know I can't completely get rid of it - there will always come times when I feel envious - but I would at least like to make it less of an ifluence on me.

Comments

[bratfarrar]

When I struggle with envy, I either pray (for the other person, for myself), or try to be glad for the other person. Sometimes that helps. Sometimes I just tell myself I'm being silly.

Now, I mostly try not to compare myself/my writing to other peoples'. My goal is to write as well as I can, and never mind what everyone else is doing. I think that's helped a bit.

[kriadydragon.livejournal.com]

*Nods* I have done that, and it has helped.

What I hate about it is that I know it's ridiculous - petty and selfish - but realizing it still doesn't help to stifle it, and then I have to spend several minutes talking myself out of feeling the way I do.

"Now, I mostly try not to compare myself/my writing to other peoples'."

That's what I'm currently working on. There was a time when I wrote strictly for myself, then got caught up in what other people thought. When it started affecting my original work, that's when I took a step back. What really helped was the move and not having Internet for a while. It forced on me a break I was in dire need of. I'm only now getting back into the habit of writing for myself. I feel that if I can return to that point completely, then the jealousy issues won't be such a problem.

[bratfarrar]

There was a time when I wrote strictly for myself, then got caught up in what other people thought.

I think this is a really important thing--why you're writing in the first place. If you're writing because you want people's nice comments, then of course you're going to have problems when other writers get more feedback. If you're writing because you simply want to tell the stories, then the number of readers doesn't matter. The first way of thinking is a pretty nasty trap, so I'm glad to hear that you're making your way back to the second.

[kriadydragon.livejournal.com]

It's slow going but it is happening. There's still the taint of wanting to write something, but not writing it because I know certain people will not read it. It's why I've been trying to write indulgence stories, to remind myself of the fun of writing what I want and not what will attract more readers.

The problem is, I want to write oneshots, but everything I come up with keeps trying to turn into chapter stories ;)

[bratfarrar]

The problem is, I want to write oneshots, but everything I come up with keeps trying to turn into chapter stories ;)

I have the same problem. I suppose it's a good kind of problem to have, but it does get irritating sometimes.

[kriadydragon.livejournal.com]

Something else that is helping (though it's very recent) is by realizing that fandom has changed. Many of the viewers/readers who were part of fandom from the start are reaching the point of being more selective about what they read (myself included) - wanting stories that veer away from what's been done to death.

Which means those regular readers aren't going to be as regular. It sucks, yes, but I completely understand the reasoning behind it. I just remind myself of my own pickiness, then it's not so bad ;)

"I have jealousy issues....................."

[black-raven135.livejournal.com]

You have taken the first step in eradicating it by admitting it.
And not only admitting it, but doing so publicly......well, at least to your LJ friends.
Some people never get to this level.
Now what you need to do is (((((release)))) it totally.
I don't know you personally, obviously, but you are an ((((extremely)))accomplished writer in my opinion. You have proven it over and over again, to my delight and to others.
I can say in certainty that others may be jealous of this gift you have.
We all have different attributes we can be proud of, but that should not leave us feeling inadequate in other areas which we are not as accomplished.
The root of jealously is inadequacy. PERIOD.
You are NOT inadequate.
Years ago someone asked me how it was possible for me to balance so many balls in the air at once, when it came to my work, and then followed it up by saying: "I have a hard time dealing with it"
I had known her for awhile so felt comfortable asking her if she was jealous.
She admitted she was......
BUT, she was very accomplished in other areas.
Leave it behind in the dust.
It is frankly unworthy of so much of your attention.

Re: "I have jealousy issues....................."

[kriadydragon.livejournal.com]

I did feel a lot better after posting this :D.

And thanks. I was nervous about posting this because it feels like such a petty thing to talk about, but it's currently what's standing between me and fanfic being my happy place once again. I know there's no reason I should be feeling this way, but it pops up and I'm tired of it doing so. There was a time when I didn't use to be this way; I would really like to go back to that time.

I do believe, though, that it's not as bad as it used to be. That makes me hopeful :)

[karri-kln1671.livejournal.com]

I have envy issues, too, and they have a really crippling effect on me, so if you ever figure out what to do about yours, let me know, k. *hugs*

[kriadydragon.livejournal.com]

Well, so far talking about it seems to have helped quite a bit :D. Especially the suggestions from Bratfarrar and Sharpes Hussy. I do have a hard time letting go of the negative stuff and need to learn to do that. Most importantly, though, I need to focus on writing for fun and not writing to impress.

[flingslass.livejournal.com]

I know this one, I battle it a lot of the time. Why aren't I as good as others :(
Who's to say I'm not as good as others. I'm my own person and I'm just starting to realise my own talents (driving being one of them :D) I think seeing the problem is the start, I'M still learning what coping mechanisms to use to deal with it. I'm a work in progress but that's what makes us human.
Envy is a very HUMAN trait (and don't think I'm not half jealous of you sometimes because it seems so easy for you to put into words your ideas when I've been struggling with my idea for a year!