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Is it just me or...
Feb. 4th, 2014 03:37 pmLately, I've been reading a lot of stories in which one character gets upset at another character because the other character didn't tell them about "a thing." As a general example, character A gets mad because character B didn't tell character A about... his phobia of spiders or something. And, dang it, here character A thought that he and B were friends so why didn't B tell A about his phobia?
And... maybe this is just me, I don't know, but being best friends doesn't automatically mean being privy to every iota of info on the other person's life. And it's makes me squirm a little whenever a story has one character getting upset with another character because the other character didn't divulge every little aspect of themselves to their best friend.
My experience with friendship has always been "you find out when it comes up. And until then, it's none of your business. And when it does come up, it better not be a big deal." For example, I didn't know a friend of mine had asthma until I asked her if she wanted to come over to my house, but she couldn't because we have cats and cat dander sometimes aggravated her asthma. Did I get bent out of shape because I was only learning about this now and why didn't she say anything sooner because we're best friends and she should tell me everything? Heck no! We went to her house instead and moved on.
So it bugs me in stories whenever characters are written with this entitlement complex in which having a best friend means knowing all their secrets, and then making the best friend feel like crap for not divulging everything (and even worse if it's an incredibly uncomfortable subject for the character). People will divulge what they will divulge either when they're ready to or if it's necessary. I mean, yes, in some cases I can understand the best friend's frustration and feelings of inadequacy because they felt their friend kept something important from them for no reason. But in other cases, the best friend ends up coming across as more self-absorbed than concerned or the poor woobie who had a secret kept from them.
It makes me think of this one interview between Colin Morgan and Bradley James, in which Bradley came to find out that Colin was lactose intolerant. He was quite shocked that he didn't know this after having worked with Colin for some time. However, his disappointment was not aimed at Colin but at himself for not being more observant. And when he asked Colin why he (Bradley) didn't know about it Colin said that it was kind of a personal thing. Colin wasn't contrite about having not said anything, or apologetic. In fact, he almost sounded a little annoyed (Probably because he thought Bradley was about to make a fuss about it, I don't know). But had this been a fic you can bet Bradley would have been upset at Colin and Colin completely contrite about it.
I don't know, what do you all think? I feel like most of the "why didn't you tell me!" stuff is mostly just a cheap attempt at drama (or humor). But in the end it just makes the characters look like drama queens :/ But I also feel like it sends a bad message, especially when it comes to finding out something both new and serious about a friend and then making them feel bad for keeping it to themselves. Most people keep certain things to themselves not because they don't trust other people, but because it's a massively uncomfortable topic they just plain don't like talking about!
And... maybe this is just me, I don't know, but being best friends doesn't automatically mean being privy to every iota of info on the other person's life. And it's makes me squirm a little whenever a story has one character getting upset with another character because the other character didn't divulge every little aspect of themselves to their best friend.
My experience with friendship has always been "you find out when it comes up. And until then, it's none of your business. And when it does come up, it better not be a big deal." For example, I didn't know a friend of mine had asthma until I asked her if she wanted to come over to my house, but she couldn't because we have cats and cat dander sometimes aggravated her asthma. Did I get bent out of shape because I was only learning about this now and why didn't she say anything sooner because we're best friends and she should tell me everything? Heck no! We went to her house instead and moved on.
So it bugs me in stories whenever characters are written with this entitlement complex in which having a best friend means knowing all their secrets, and then making the best friend feel like crap for not divulging everything (and even worse if it's an incredibly uncomfortable subject for the character). People will divulge what they will divulge either when they're ready to or if it's necessary. I mean, yes, in some cases I can understand the best friend's frustration and feelings of inadequacy because they felt their friend kept something important from them for no reason. But in other cases, the best friend ends up coming across as more self-absorbed than concerned or the poor woobie who had a secret kept from them.
It makes me think of this one interview between Colin Morgan and Bradley James, in which Bradley came to find out that Colin was lactose intolerant. He was quite shocked that he didn't know this after having worked with Colin for some time. However, his disappointment was not aimed at Colin but at himself for not being more observant. And when he asked Colin why he (Bradley) didn't know about it Colin said that it was kind of a personal thing. Colin wasn't contrite about having not said anything, or apologetic. In fact, he almost sounded a little annoyed (Probably because he thought Bradley was about to make a fuss about it, I don't know). But had this been a fic you can bet Bradley would have been upset at Colin and Colin completely contrite about it.
I don't know, what do you all think? I feel like most of the "why didn't you tell me!" stuff is mostly just a cheap attempt at drama (or humor). But in the end it just makes the characters look like drama queens :/ But I also feel like it sends a bad message, especially when it comes to finding out something both new and serious about a friend and then making them feel bad for keeping it to themselves. Most people keep certain things to themselves not because they don't trust other people, but because it's a massively uncomfortable topic they just plain don't like talking about!
