Term of Endearment or Verbal Abuse?

[kriadydragon]

I was watching an anime the other day and as is usually the case with animes one character was verbally abusing another - calling them an idiot, moron, etc. All out of endearment of course, but it made me think: Do people really do this to each other? Even to people they love? Do they call family and friends idiots and morons? To their faces?

I've always had issues in fic when someone will have one character really, really insult another character, even though other character is one character's friend. It's why I squirm whenever Rodney calls John an idiot to his face and John just sits there and takes it, or Peter calls Neal an idiot to his face. Because... would anyone actually do that? Because even if the person doesn't mean it, even if they're just teasing, those are still some pretty strong words. If a friend, or especially a family member, called me an idiot or moron just to be kidding around, I'd be pretty friggin' ticked.

I suppose I could understand it if that's just the way the person is, they don't mean it, and everyone knows this. And I could see the recipient of the insult putting up with it because they felt they deserved the insult (because they actually did something to deserve it, not because they were conditioned to think they deserve it). But... still... I would think it would be rather hard not to take at least some offense. After all, a line should be drawn as to how far someone's abrasiveness can go.

What do you all think? Do you know people who are insulting but because that is the way the person is, or because the person doesn't mean it, no one takes it personally?

Comments

[kriadydragon.livejournal.com]

See, that was why I was wondering. There are times, on shows and in books, where it doesn't strike me as odd (like in Dresden Files, when Murphy calls Harry an idiot) while other times it'll make me hem and haw uncertainly (like when Rodney calls John an idiot).

I grew up in a family that, though we are sarcastic with each other, we've never verbally insulted each other. So, yeah, it's not something I'm used to. Plus I'm an incredibly sensitive person, and have been on the wrong end of insults enough to have a very low tolerance for them. So insulting out of love is something I have a hard time wrapping my brain around. Even when it does work, it still makes me itch a little.

[sholio]

Aha! I'm glad you mentioned Dresden Files because when I wrote my above comment, I'd been trying to remember some fandom I'd been writing for lately where the characters canonically insult each other, and that's it -- Thomas and Harry specifically were what I'm thinking of; I noticed when I was writing them and trying to get the voices that they call each other "dumbass" and "dolt" and so forth on a regular basis.

But yeah, it does depend on the character, and there are some who wouldn't, and some lines that even a normally rather sarcastic character wouldn't cross. No matter how insulting my sister and I get with each other, for example, I wouldn't ever tease her about her weight, because that's something that she's sensitive about. It would just be nasty.