Term of Endearment or Verbal Abuse?

[kriadydragon]

I was watching an anime the other day and as is usually the case with animes one character was verbally abusing another - calling them an idiot, moron, etc. All out of endearment of course, but it made me think: Do people really do this to each other? Even to people they love? Do they call family and friends idiots and morons? To their faces?

I've always had issues in fic when someone will have one character really, really insult another character, even though other character is one character's friend. It's why I squirm whenever Rodney calls John an idiot to his face and John just sits there and takes it, or Peter calls Neal an idiot to his face. Because... would anyone actually do that? Because even if the person doesn't mean it, even if they're just teasing, those are still some pretty strong words. If a friend, or especially a family member, called me an idiot or moron just to be kidding around, I'd be pretty friggin' ticked.

I suppose I could understand it if that's just the way the person is, they don't mean it, and everyone knows this. And I could see the recipient of the insult putting up with it because they felt they deserved the insult (because they actually did something to deserve it, not because they were conditioned to think they deserve it). But... still... I would think it would be rather hard not to take at least some offense. After all, a line should be drawn as to how far someone's abrasiveness can go.

What do you all think? Do you know people who are insulting but because that is the way the person is, or because the person doesn't mean it, no one takes it personally?

Comments

[a-pilgrim-soul.livejournal.com]

I've got to say as a Brit, can't speak for other cultures, its pretty common for friends, particularly male friends, to express affection in this way. I went through college being called "Weirdo" but I never doubted it was said with love and that the same people who called me that would have defended me to the hilt if anyone else had given me a hard time.

My older brother spent most of my teenage years referring to me as "Smell" among other things, my little brother often refers to me being "a mental" and I in turn call him Doofus but its all done with good humour and love. Its about knowing that person well enough to understand that the insult isn't really meant.

It's kind of the grown up equivalent of pulling the pig-tails of the girl you have a crush on.

[kriadydragon.livejournal.com]

My own family can be pretty sarcastic, but name calling was pretty much forbidden. We barely even get away with using "shut up."

I did have a friend who called me big foot - I am, like, six feet tall - and I was okay with it. It was one of the few times I was okay with a nickname that had to do with my height because it was one of the few times I was given a nickname out of endearment and not because someone was trying to be a jerk.