Term of Endearment or Verbal Abuse?

[kriadydragon]

I was watching an anime the other day and as is usually the case with animes one character was verbally abusing another - calling them an idiot, moron, etc. All out of endearment of course, but it made me think: Do people really do this to each other? Even to people they love? Do they call family and friends idiots and morons? To their faces?

I've always had issues in fic when someone will have one character really, really insult another character, even though other character is one character's friend. It's why I squirm whenever Rodney calls John an idiot to his face and John just sits there and takes it, or Peter calls Neal an idiot to his face. Because... would anyone actually do that? Because even if the person doesn't mean it, even if they're just teasing, those are still some pretty strong words. If a friend, or especially a family member, called me an idiot or moron just to be kidding around, I'd be pretty friggin' ticked.

I suppose I could understand it if that's just the way the person is, they don't mean it, and everyone knows this. And I could see the recipient of the insult putting up with it because they felt they deserved the insult (because they actually did something to deserve it, not because they were conditioned to think they deserve it). But... still... I would think it would be rather hard not to take at least some offense. After all, a line should be drawn as to how far someone's abrasiveness can go.

What do you all think? Do you know people who are insulting but because that is the way the person is, or because the person doesn't mean it, no one takes it personally?

Comments

[nynine.livejournal.com]

The comment I posted earlier was not well thought-out. Peter and Neal aren't my characters, and each of us has her own interpretation of them. I was wrong to say that Peter would never call Neal an idiot.

That said in all sincerity, I can't help adding what Neal might say to Peter in one of his smart-alec moods: "Yeah, Peter, you might call me an idiot. But only if you thought it would help keep me on the straight and narrow and out of prison to have one."

[kriadydragon.livejournal.com]

I don't really recall Peter having ever called Neal an idiot to his face. I know he's commented, when Neal wasn't around, about Neal's current escapades being stupid. But actually calling him an idiot directly to him I haven't seen happen, so you weren't off on your comment.

Does that mean Peter would never call Neal and idiot to his face? Given the right circumstances - i.e. Peter being furious with Neal - it's definitely possible. But for Peter to call Neal and idiot because they're bantering playfully... I don't know. It's not something I see either Neal or Peter doing as they just don't strike me as the type. They are both intelligent, and would much rather match wits when verbally sparring than degenerate to simplified name calling.

But that could be based a lot on my own personal experiences, as that is the way my family is. We prefer being witty over name calling, so it's hard for me to really understand the concept of calling someone names out of endearment.