Inquiry time!

[kriadydragon]

If you come across something you find to be personally offensive, not aimed at you but aimed at something you believe in or are into or do or watch or whatever, do you say something?

I've been having a bit of a struggle with this lately because I am so sick and tired of people using everything and anything they can to take pot shots at particular groups or beliefs or whatever. I mean, I know it's to be expected (especially where politics are concerned) but... I really wish people would think before they said something, because those people they're taking pot shots at could be someone they've friended, someone they respect, someone whose stories they enjoy and so on. In other words, Unless we've all stated our stance on, well, everything we can't say for certain where we all stand. Just because most of the people who you talk to believe the same things as you doesn't mean they all do.

Plus, I also think it's bad form and a little immature. If you want to get down and dirty and have an actual debate there's better, more intelligent ways to go about it than to - for example - use pictures of cute kittens with captions as a platform to show off how smart you think you are.

People just... need to stop dropping lines where they don't belong. Could you imagine how many headaches we'd prevent if we did this?

Comments

[neontiger55.livejournal.com]

In those situations my instinct would be to say something - even if it's just to vocalize that fact that you want them to cool it and not necessarily get into an actual debate. If this is an online situation (?), then it's of course a tricky one to handle because 9 times out of 10 if they're taking pot shots, they're looking for a fight.

[kriadydragon.livejournal.com]

It's that people are looking for a fight (or just to insult) that I usually try not to say anything at all. But, sometimes, I get this overwhelming need to say something. Thing is, though, I don't think it's so much about getting into anything with the person but simply to supply a differing view or to correct a common misconception. Even if the person responds with more snide comments, at least I provided some food for thought for those willing to actually think.

[karri-kln1671.livejournal.com]

Pot shots directed at religious (non-political) beliefs in political discussions have been doing that to me lately. (Which has nothing to do with whether I support a particular candidate politically or not.) The end result is I end up offended by remarks and astounded that they were made with a such clear lack of any real knowledge on the subject, and offended that non-political beliefs are still even part of the discussion of domestic politics in the US in 21st century. But the problem is that to have an actual intelligent debate on the topic, people have to have a clue, and that refers back to my previous astound at the amazing ignorance that remains in the general public on the topic and the intense bigotry from people who would be equally (or more) offended were similar pot shots taken any other Western religion. And that all leads to an internal debate with myself on how little society has advanced, despite the general consensus otherwise, and then I get overly-thoughtful about the human race and start spending less time online in an effort to avoid it in general.

[kriadydragon.livejournal.com]

But the problem is that to have an actual intelligent debate on the topic, people have to have a clue, and that refers back to my previous astound at the amazing ignorance that remains in the general public on the topic and the intense bigotry from people who would be equally (or more) offended were similar pot shots taken any other Western religion.

Yes, this. Very much this and it's been something I've been having a hard time with as well. It just... bewilders me how we live in this age of mass information and yet no one has a dang clue. I'm LDS (Mormon) and, oh my word, the blatant ignorance people spew when it comes to my religion. And you know where they're getting their info from - rumors, something they heard from someone else who heard from someone else and people who just don't like religion. It's painfully obvious that they're doing no actual research what so ever.

It's why I try very hard not to get into debates or start debates, because I know I'm ignorant in a lot of things and I don't want to get into a discussion in which I don't have all the facts.

[dajaje.livejournal.com]

I understand and share your frustration. :/ I've been letting a LOT of irksome things slide under the "Everyone is entitled to their beliefs" idea, but I've just hit my breaking point. I can no longer sit by and let people think that because I've friended them for fiction or games or whatever, that I share their same political or religious views and that radical dialogue actually offends some people. I'm not going into anything with hostility -- though heaven knows there are plenty of hostile remarks out there -- but will just simply state my views on the subject so that the person doesn't think by my silence that I agree with them.

[kriadydragon.livejournal.com]

My problem is that when I get angry, especially over snide remarks, my knee-jerk reaction is to be snide right back. It's not something I actually act on since I know to step back, take a breather and think but it's generally why most of the time I end up saying nothing at all. Other times, it's simply a matter of not knowing how to word it in a way to get it across that I'm offended without causing offense in return.

Although these days I find myself going deeper and deeper into the world of speaking up. I know it doesn't really solve anything, not all the time, but sometimes it's just nice to say something and let people know that, hey, some of us aren't going to stand for this.

[wildcat88.livejournal.com]

It depends on the situation. I've read a thousand things online (news articles, etc) that make me see red, especially when the mass public starts making comments. But I don't feel the need to offer my views in a forum like that. No one there is looking for a real debate or interested in actually listening to an opposing point of view. They just want to spew.

However, in a conversation (online or real life) I would probably say something.

[kriadydragon.livejournal.com]

No one there is looking for a real debate or interested in actually listening to an opposing point of view. They just want to spew.

Yes, very true, which is why I prefer staying out of it if I can. My siblings are really into politics and debates and I don't know how they can stand it. It just never ends. It's even caused a bit of strife within our family to the point that my mom made a rule that if/when we're all together we're not allowed to talk politics.

I've come to realize that I'm a "say it and move on" kind of person. What gets to me, like I mentioned above, is ignorance - and I mean the kind of ignorance easily remedied with some actual research. It's usually when I see people spouting false stereotypes that I usually say something, not for the person saying the falsehood - there's usually no convincing them of anything - but for everyone else. I can't stand it when a conversation is dominated by falsehoods and no one is saying anything to the contrary. It may not solve the issue, but it makes me feel better knowing that something was said.

Blatant offense by people who aren't offensive or trying to be offensive is something else but I always have a hard time speaking up about it. I'll admit, I cave to cowardice and not wanting to offend or start anything with people I consider friends. I really need to work on that.

[black-raven135.livejournal.com]

Quite a topic. . .

Sometimes I feel that if someone does not go along that some make sure their life is harsh in terms of taking them on.
I cite my 'personal' preference regarding slash
I am tolerant of those who read and write it, but some have a very difficult time accepting my personal preference, almost as though I were somehow threatening their rights.
I see it now in general terms also......not only a dismissive attitude but outright hostility almost as though if you are not with them then you had better move aside or be mowed down.....
Our nation has had a belief and tradition of tolerance and an adherence to 'while I may not approve of what you say, I will defend to the death your right to say it', but lately it seems as though it has taken a decidedly different turn, sadly.

[kriadydragon.livejournal.com]

Our nation has had a belief and tradition of tolerance and an adherence to 'while I may not approve of what you say, I will defend to the death your right to say it', but lately it seems as though it has taken a decidedly different turn, sadly.

True. It feels like these days people talk the talk of tolerance but don't walk the walk, so to speak.

[mmneely932.livejournal.com]

Being, from the South, Catholic, left-handed, red headed, female and a police officer for 26 years I see and hear plenty of things that are directed at one of the above, but you know, you just have to let is slide off. Grow a thicker skin, you cannot change people by trying to make them respect your beliefs, feelings, etc. Just continue to be the person you, respect other people the way you want to be respected and sooner or later everyone will rub off on on everyone else. I laugh at the Catholic and red neck jokes, put up with the right handed world, flaunt my red hair, and enforced the law, I treat everyone like a lady or gentleman until they show me they don't deserve to be treated like such. I'm as nice as people let me be. IF it's something major you might mention it later to them. I know people who will accept dinner invitations and then make a scene because the hostess serves meat, when she didn't know they are vegetarians.

[kriadydragon.livejournal.com]

I'm usually pretty good about letting things slide but there often comes this point where enough is enough, especially where misconceptions are concerned, and it's the same misconception over and over again. For me, though, it's not so much about changing the person's mind as it is about just saying something and taking a stand just to know that someone took a stand at all. I can put up with a lot but only for so long.

[sholio]

*hugs*

I think it really is worth it in the long run to say something, if you're emotionally able to deal with it -- because even if you don't change that person's mind, you might change the mind of someone else who is reading. I've learned an awful lot from reading other people's posts and seeing their exchanges with people who were correcting their misconceptions or just talking about their own experiences. There have been quite a few times that someone talking about their own life has made me take a second look at some of the things I say, or some of the misconception about other groups of people that I've picked up without thinking about it, and made me try to be more careful in what I say and do.

It's awfully easy to pick up misconceptions from media, movies, TV, urban legends, etc, and it's also very easy to pass along thoughtless jokes or stereotypes; I think most people who do it don't really mean to hurt people, and don't actually realize that they're being hurtful or spreading rumors. I think that it is a good thing to say something, as long as it's done politely and not in an inappropriate context -- I mean, you wouldn't want to ALWAYS be the person going around saying "Hey, that's not cool", but if so, then you're probably hanging around with the wrong group of people anyway. *g*

And, if you don't feel like talking to that person directly, it can also be useful to write a post in your own journal explaining what's wrong with whatever it was that they said. Or just casually talking about that aspect of your own life ... I think it's helpful sometimes for people just to be reminded that there are people on their friends lists who have different beliefs or backgrounds.

But that's only if you feel up to dealing with it, because it's also very stressful and exhausting to confront someone, even on the Internet, and that's energy that you could be using for happier things. *hugs again*

[kriadydragon.livejournal.com]

because even if you don't change that person's mind, you might change the mind of someone else who is reading.

This is usually what ends up being my reason for saying anything at all. I've developed a major issue with people saying things that I know for a fact aren't true and spreading that kind of falsehood around. Especially since a lot of times it's just so ridiculous you wonder how anyone would believe it. But, they do, and it drives me crazy.

And, if you don't feel like talking to that person directly, it can also be useful to write a post in your own journal explaining what's wrong with whatever it was that they said. Or just casually talking about that aspect of your own life

This I love because I like being able to address an issue without feeling like I'm targeting a specific person, people or belief. It gets me to think before I say anything, explore the issue and determine whether it is an actual, major issue or simply a matter of personal taste/belief that I should probably keep to myself. Like you, I've gotten so that I try to be more careful about the things I say and how I say it. I don't know if I'm always successful but, dang it, I do try.