Concerning Castles in the Sky

[kriadydragon]

(Speaking strictly about fanfiction, not original fic...) A while ago I read a comment by somone mentioning some of my fic, how they like them but tend to be disturbed by them. It got me thinking about my two darker fics - Squaring the Circle and Eyes Wide Open - and if those stories had inadvertantly chased several readers off with them thinking that most of my stories are like that. I know I go nuts with the whump but not all my stories are as heavy with it as those two. In fact, there's one that doesn't even have any whump.

If a reader doesn't like a story of mine because it was too disturbing, I'm cool with that. I would never ask anyone to read something that bothers them in anyway. But I would hate to think that all my stories have been prematurely judged from those two stories alone. I put warnings on my fics and, lately, I've been trying to lighten up the whump a little, make it less heavy-handed like with what was done in Eyes Wide Open.

If a reader doesn't like my stories for other reasons (chracterization, writing style, etc.) I'm totally fine with that. I'm just talking about people who might think every story of mine is going to be like the two aforementioned horror tales. Although it is probably rare for people to be that way. But, just in case.

Don't judge a writer by one fic. I've been guilty of jumping to conclusions about a writer's work just from reading one story myself, only to realize my mistake on finally giving the rest of that writer's stories a chance. Granted, I'm not a big fan of all their works, but have found favorite stories among them.

As for Castles, I hope no one jumped to conclusions about it because it's a slave fic, thinking "oh, it's just going to be a lot of Sheppard being smacked around by his masters, rescued, with a bunch of H/C at the end." (Not that there's anything wrong with such fic in my opinion). Castles is not like that at all. There's a reason I said this was the hardest story I've ever written and it has nothing to do with how I had Sheppard smacked around. The whump was the easy part, actually. There is so much more to it than mere whumping.

This is not a plea to read my story. This is a plea that you don't jump to any judgements about it just because I called it a slave fic. Normally this wouldn't be a big deal, but this was the toughest story I've ever written, so for that reason I'm feeling a little anxious about it. I've never written a story like Castles in the Sky, and I'm a little worried that me making a big deal about it being a slave fic may have deterred people from reading it.

If not reading for other reasons (don't like whump, dark fic, are finding it disturbing, etc.) that's cool.

And I apologize for this. Again, I am not begging that people read this, I'm just asking that people not judge it just because I called it a slave fic. Like I said, normally this wouldn't bother me but the level of difficulty with Castles has me kind of playing favorites with my stories at the moment.

Comments

[karri-kln1671.livejournal.com]

Okay, you caught me, I admit. Firstly, let me say I adore your writing (Brendan, especially, but your SGA stuff, too.)

Now, that said, I have to also admit that some of your stuff has been a bit too intense for me. I greedily gobble up your TC chapters as fast as can be, but I tend to be a bit more wary with SGA. Generally speaking, with SGA, I wait for the whole story to be posted, then peek ahead at a later chapter to get feel for how intense it's gonna be before diving in. :\

And, while I'm confessing, I have to also admit that it being a 'slave fic' is pretty much entirely the reason I haven't checked out Castles yet. I'll do my best to steel myself for a gander, though, k.

[kriadydragon.livejournal.com]

I greedily gobble up your TC chapters as fast as can be, but I tend to be a bit more wary with SGA.

I only have myself to blame for that, but I really have been toning down the whump aspects of a lot of my fics (although my idea of "tone down" may not be the same as yours.)

With Castles, it's really a lot more mental whumping, and the physical whumping doesn't dominate the whole story. In fact, I would have to say Hounds of Hell you Cry had more intense whumping than Castles, but that just might be my opinion.

And, while I'm confessing, I have to also admit that it being a 'slave fic' is pretty much entirely the reason I haven't checked out Castles yet.

That's been my biggest worry with this. I know that most slave fics tend to be rather generic in plot and disturbing in the whump, and that when people see "slave fic" their immediate reaction is "meh." Castles became a lot more than a slave fic and I really, really don't want it to be judged by that label.

[sholio]

I hear you on not pre-judging a writer based on their past works, though I think we all do it. As a writer, I really do try to stretch myself -- write different characters than normal, write different sorts of scenarios than the the ones that I default to -- and I love seeing other writers do likewise. Actually, I had noticed that some of the stories you'd been writing lately were a little different from your usual fare. I enjoy that, really I do.

But slave/prison stories are ... well, I don't have too many plot-related deal-breakers in fiction, but they come about as close as I get. I don't usually enjoy prison/mental ward episodes of TV shows either, not because I'm philosophically opposed to them but because I have, for lack of a better word, a powerlessness squick. I don't cope well with seeing characters with whom I identify put in a position of powerlessness and degredation and humiliation -- because I identify with characters easily, seeing them struggle and struggle with no way out makes ME feel powerless and ill. That is the main reason why I quit watching LOST -- the way the characters are continually used, abused and made to feel powerless and small ... it's very hard for me to deal with on a psychological level.

This is not to say that I have never read prison/slave stories, or even that I would never write one. (There's actually an unfinished "John and Rodney in prison" story floating around on my hard drive -- it may remain forever unfinished, because it started approaching a level of h/c that I'm really not comfortable writing, so for now it languishes in the seventh circle of WIP hell.) There are even a couple of slave/prison/power-struggle stories that are among my favorites in the fandom.

But due to all of this, and knowing that the stories you write are often very intense and dark, I figured that "Castles" was likely to trip my squicks big-time. I was going to wait until it was finished, and then give it a try, because sometimes I can get through something like that more easily if I have the whole story to read at once. (Kodiak's "Autumn" story is an example of that, because while I thought it was just brilliant and I ended up loving it, I think I would probably have given up on it if it'd been individual chapters with a wait in between. As it was, I had to skim some parts because they were hitting my psychological-rape squick so bad. What really gets to me worse than torture is Stockholm Syndrome, brainwashing and things of that nature -- that's where LOST has really, well, lost me.)

But again, I know that these are just my particular set of biases; it says nothing about a particular story if it trips my squicks, and everything about me as a reader.

[karri-kln1671.livejournal.com]

But slave/prison stories are ... well, I don't have too many plot-related deal-breakers in fiction, but they come about as close as I get. I don't usually enjoy prison/mental ward episodes of TV shows either, not because I'm philosophically opposed to them but because I have, for lack of a better word, a powerlessness squick. I don't cope well with seeing characters with whom I identify put in a position of powerlessness and degredation and humiliation -- because I identify with characters easily, seeing them struggle and struggle with no way out makes ME feel powerless and ill. ... it's very hard for me to deal with on a psychological level.

Yup, exactly!

Ruse likes possession fics but doesn't write them often because she knows they squick me. She's asked me several times why they squick me and that describes it really well. I'll have to point her this direction. (Thanks :)) I don't deal with powerlessness well. Slavery and arena/gladiator scenerios squick me less than possession/mind-control, but still I get a bit queasy.

[kriadydragon.livejournal.com]

I find myself sometimes waiting until a fic is complete for the same reason - in case there are things I need to skim, or if it hits one of my squicks (there was a WIP I sarted reading and commenting on until it turned into a very graphic rape-fic and I couldn't continue.)

If there's too much to squick about in my story making it hard to read, I totally understand that. At least it was given a chance and that's all I really ask.

[kriadydragon.livejournal.com]

I don't cope well with seeing characters with whom I identify put in a position of powerlessness and degredation and humiliation --

I've come to realize that I'm kind of the same way when it comes to certain types of humor fics. I like a good humor fic but I'm never comfortable with the ones that involve humiliating a character in some way. The higher the level of humiliation, the less I like that story. I tend to take them personally depending on how they're handled - like if the writer has the other characeters ganging up to tease the one (I've had first hand experience of being on the reciving end of that kind of teasing during my Middle School years and it was -not- fun. So even if the character teased deserved it, I still don't find it that funny.)

So I know how it is. Powerlessness of any kind if frustrating to witness. So Castles is probably best read all at once.

[tristen84.livejournal.com]

That's exactly how I feel too, and you explained that wonderfully. It's the helplessness and brainwashing stuff that gets to me, not so much physical whump.

I haven't looked at Castles yet, because for once in my life I'm waiting for this story to be finished before I start reading. But I will definitely give it a go, even though I realize now that I did think 'meh' when I saw the label 'slave fic'. You're absolutely right, kriady, you shouldn't judge a fic just by its label or by the author's previous work.

Good post!

[kriadydragon.livejournal.com]

It's fine that people are waiting, I was just worried people had jumped to conclusions because I said it was a slave fic. If you find you can't read because it squicks too much, that's fine too.

I will say this much, though. The slave part doesn't last that long (i.e. it's not the entire story.) In fact, now that I think about it, the slave portion is a rather small chunk compared to the rest of the story. So it's not so much a slave fic as... well, I'm not sure what to call it. It might give too much away and I think I've said too much as is.

[wraithfodder.livejournal.com]

I'm loving Castles; it's dark, creepy and disturbing, but being a captive on a wraith ship isn't gonna be a picnic. I'm just wondering how the poor guy is gonna get out of there with his mind in one piece!

[kriadydragon.livejournal.com]

Thanks. And you will see.

[wraithfodder.livejournal.com]

Oh oh.... (insert ominous music)

[coolbreeze1.livejournal.com]

I like all whump fics, everything from light whump to the intense stuff, as long as it has a purpose to the overall story, like moving the plot along if it's more action/adventurish, or developing some psychological element of a character. As dark as some of your stories have been, I've always enjoyed them because you do pay such close attention to the overall story (plot, characters, pacing, etc.) Regardless of how intense the whumping gets, I know I'll at least be able to enjoy some good writing. Not that I haven't enjoyed reading (or writing) a good plotless whumping every once in awhile. I just like the ones that I know are going to take me somewhere from beginning to end, if that makes sense.

What is it about Castles in the Sky that was so difficult for you? I've enjoyed the first 5 or 6 chapters so far. Sheppard's mental anguish is much more the center of the story so far, which I find very difficult to write so love to read how other people do it. I think you're doing a great job so far. One of your chapters (blanking on which one now and don't want to give anything away for people who might not have read it yet) was absolutely heart-wrenching but also such a tender portrayal of Sheppard. I'm really excited for the rest of the story.

By the way, Hounds of Hell is one of my all-time favorite stories, including the ones I've read in print. This may sound like shameless flattering to convince you to post the next chapter quickly, but I really am being sincere. You've really got a talent for the craft of storytelling. You will let us know when you get a publishing deal, right? Oh, and please please please post another chapter of Castles soon!! (Hmmmm...maybe I'll read Hounds of Hell again while I wait...)

[kriadydragon.livejournal.com]

What is it about Castles in the Sky that was so difficult for you?

I don't want to say too much or I might give something away. Let's just say the hurt part was easy, the comfort part not so much, and psychological whump is a pain.

The other matter with this story is that it was practice for me as I have several original fic in mind that involve psychological trauma, which I've never really delved into before (at least not this deeply). So this story is a big deal for me in more ways than one. I want to know what people think of it, if what I did worked, if it didn't. Not so much nit-pick it, just let me know if I pulled off what I set out to accomplish - mentally whump then heal Shep.

So of all my fics, if a reader could only pick one to read, I would want them to pick this one.

[katstale.livejournal.com]

For me, there isn't a whole lot that really squicks me in a story other than permanent character death (main characters). If I read a story where an author purposely does not warn about this, she/he can be assured that I will NEVER read another of her/his stories again. Ever. Period.

That said, whenever I see that you have posted another story, I know I'm in for a good read no matter the fandom. I haven't been commenting on Castles because I'm saving it to read all at once when it's finished. Normally, I'd have dug right in, but you started posting it at a really busy time for me in RL and I ended up making the decision to wait until it was done before starting to read. Same thing with your latest Thoughtcrimes piece. It had nothing whatsoever to with the subject matter in either case. But if it would help, I'd be glad to start reading and comment now instead of waiting. :)

[kriadydragon.livejournal.com]

No, it's okay if you wait until it's done. Probably a good idea what with the once a week updates, though I plan on upping it to two chapters a week eventually.

[wildcat88.livejournal.com]

Eyes Wide Open is one of the first fanfic stories I read and what really got me into fanfiction in general. It is dark and disturbing, but that only furthers my empathy for him (and one reason I'm enjoying Castles so much). I agree with katstale, I know when you post a story, it will be a great read.

Write the story you want to write in the way you want to write it. Trying to please people never works.

[kriadydragon.livejournal.com]

I know when you post a story, it will be a great read.

*Blushes* thanks.

Write the story you want to write in the way you want to write it. Trying to please people never works.

I have been having such issues with that, lately, it's driving me crazy. I used to write what I wanted, how I wanted and my stories did just fine. Lately, my muses have been tainted by a need to please others, write what I think others will like instead of what I enjoy writing. I try hard not to think that way but it's slick about popping in unawares. It's been making me try "too" hard when writing, if that makes sense, and making me generally unhappy with the stuff I've been writing lately.

[sholio]

Oh, definitely write for YOU, always! I know what you mean about writing in certain ways to please an audience. As I've built up an existing audience for my fanfic, I will sometimes find myself writing certain kinds of stories, or writing the characters in certain ways, because I don't want to disappoint my readers. But I try to rein myself back from that, when I become aware that I'm doing it -- because the stories I've done that I've liked the most were the ones that I wrote for me, without worrying about what others thought of them. And generally, when I've been worried about alienating readers by posting a story, it's still done fairly well. I got a great response to the very dark Sheppard head injury story that I posted awhile back, and I was fully expecting to get flamed for that one.

All of this is not meant to imply that you shouldn't push yourself and write different sorts of things, if you're so inclined. Personally I think that it's very good for a writer to stretch themselves and write a variety of different kinds of stories. But I've found that writing with a specific audience in mind, rather than writing with the best interests of the story in mind, is a total mood-killer for me. Especially if it makes you unhappy and displeased with your stories, it sounds like something that is best fought against.

[kriadydragon.livejournal.com]

because the stories I've done that I've liked the most were the ones that I wrote for me, without worrying about what others thought of them.

I'm really starting to miss those days. Yeah, all the stories that have done well are the ones I did more for myself, because they were the kind of stories I liked.

Another tainting factor is seeing stories with such wonderful, clever, interesting poignant ideas that become kind of a drive for me to do stories similarly wonderful, poingnant, etc. Which, in turn, makes me try too hard, overloading the story by pushing themes rather than letting the themes come to me.

What's funny is that my own story, Of Coloring Books and Lt. Colonels, kind of started this drive. What I achieved with Coloring Books I hoped to achieve again. But the thing about Coloring Books is that I was just writing it for fun, letting it go in whatever direction it would.

I need to get myself back into that mindset - writing for fun instead of writing to please.

Your work is brilliant

[farscapefan.livejournal.com]

I know I am repeating what fellow readers have said but I think your stories are wonderful. My sister and I started reading SGA fanfic about a year or so ago and quickly put you at the top of our list of favorite authors. I have to say that I have read several of the official published SGA books and you can write circles around these guys!

My sister and I often go back and reread your stories - this week we both, unbeknownst to the other, went back and reread the same story about the team on a forced march. Also, as hard as I try to stay away from WIPs, your stories are like crack and I find I have to have a “hit” as soon as I see a new one listed or a new chapter posted. That is why I am hip deep in Castles in the Sky and waiting breathlessly for new chapters.

I have never found your stories to be too much to handle - Eyes Wide Open was horrific in many ways but it was so well written that I still loved it. I am never bothered by your level or depiction of whump because it always serves the story and is handled in a believable fashion. Shep in danger and pushed to his limits just pushes all my buttons. (Now if you would only write some Dean Winchester whump my fangirl life would be complete!) Please don’t doubt yourself --- you are brilliant and I will follow you anywhere you want to lead!

Re: Your work is brilliant

[kriadydragon.livejournal.com]

Thank you! That really means a lot as - as a friend of mine put it - a writer tends to be her own worst critic.

(Now if you would only write some Dean Winchester whump my fangirl life would be complete!)

Heh, I actually have a Dean-whumper in mind that I keep meaning to write for my sister. I'll either write it as a Christmans or birthday present for her. Probably birthday as I really need to start working on my next original fic.

[(Anonymous)]

I LOVE your stories, especially because you deal with the psychological effects of the whumping. I think it's more realistic and I get to find out more about the character. It may be uncomfortable, but it's emotionally powerful and moving.

Castles grabbed me pretty quick; I'm dying for the next part. :) -GW

[kriadydragon.livejournal.com]

Thank ye.