kriadydragon: (Beast)
Including descriptions of characters' actions in dialogue scenes - how much is too much, and how much is not enough? You don't want it to just be a long string of "he said/she said", but you don't want to describe every eyebrow twitch, either ...

Date: 2011-09-18 09:18 am (UTC)From: [personal profile] sholio
sholio: sun on winter trees (Default)
Heh, I suggested this topic in the hopes of getting some ideas/tips, because I am really struggling with this particular issue lately. I feel like I'm in danger of becoming very repetitive with my descriptions. I find myself describing the characters' small facial movements (raising an eyebrow, smiling, frowning) or little actions ("He sipped his coffee...") a lot more than really seems to benefit the scene, but otherwise I don't have much else to describe or to break up the back-and-forth of the dialogue ... I end up with nothing but a series of he said/she said attribution tags.

Possibly this is a sign that I need more going on in my dialogue scenes than just dialogue. I've been ending up lately with a lot of scenes in which characters sit around and talk. *muses* I wonder if I could have the same dialogue exchanges take place while they're doing something more active.

Date: 2011-09-18 07:54 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] swanpride.livejournal.com
Personally, I think there is nothing wrong with "just" dialogue, as long as it doesn't throw the reader out of the situation. But you could add more thoughts of the characters, how they see the actions of the others and how they see the situation. You can also do a lot with gestures, like tapping the fingers, playing with a wedding ring...if you write about Neal in the office, he can always play with the rubber string ball (for fanfictions it's always a good idea to keep attention to the habits already there...Peter is frowning a lot, so I like to use the word for him although its very much a standart-word, but it wouldn't fit Neal or Diana).

Date: 2011-09-18 11:01 pm (UTC)From: [personal profile] sholio
sholio: sun on winter trees (Default)
I think it's easier for me in fanfic, because I have a mental catalog of the quirks and mannerisms of the actor/character to draw upon. It's the original novel where I'm really getting stuck, because I need a similar catalog for each of my characters and I'm having to build it. Even in those cases where I know my characters' body language really well, it's hard not to be repetitive (for example, I have one character who is very understated, subtle and quiet in all that she does, but constantly referring to her "little smiles" and "tiny nods" is probably going to be quite wearing for the reader, I think).

Looking back over dialogue scenes I've written, though, there's way less uninterrupted dialogue than I actually thought I was writing at the time. I think I can probably get away with knocking off some of the descriptors and just going for the dialogue in some of my iffy cases.

Date: 2011-09-19 12:48 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] swanpride.livejournal.com
Depends - perhaps you should think up a gesture which is less generetic. Like tilting the head in a special way, or moving the hair out of her face, or playing with her hair in a special way - she could compulsive bite/suck on her lip. The possibilities are endless.

Date: 2011-09-19 08:10 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] kriadydragon.livejournal.com
I pretty much have the same problem which is why I chose this topic next - both when to break up dialog and when not to. I have this one part in my original fic in which the characters are eating lunch while talking and that scene has been bugging me to no end. I know it's said you should have action to break up the dialog but there's something about them sipping and taking a bite and chewing that kept getting on my nerves, even though it reveals some about the character's personalities (one is a neat eater, the other a messy eater).

I think it helps to make the action (non facial actions, I mean) significant or interesting. And to also use those actions to convey the character's emotions and personality. For example, using WC as an example, a relaxed Neal is portrayed in the casual way he tosses the rubber-band ball back and forth in his hands. A stressed Peter is portrayed in the way he snatches the ball out of the air and keeps squeezing it like it's one of those stress dolls. An annoyed Neal snatches it back the moment Peter tosses it in the air.

And - though this may be stating the obvious to most, here - it also helps to mix it up, to not have dialog, action, dialog, action. Instead do something like dialog, dialog, action, dialog, action, dialog, dialog, dialog. One thing I seem to do is have that mix of dialog and action then, when the conversation starts to near the pinnacle - the meat of the topic, I guess you could say, or the heart of the matter - I go into straight dialog, without action and without even any he said/she said. Not for every scene of dialog; I mostly seem to do this when the topic is something serious or some kind of turning point.

Date: 2011-09-20 12:02 am (UTC)From: [personal profile] sholio
sholio: sun on winter trees (Default)
And to also use those actions to convey the character's emotions and personality.

Oh, actually, this is REALLY USEFUL to me! :D I think I do this already, to some extent at least, by instinct. But perhaps it would be useful for me to make it more of a foreground thing in my head when I'm writing or editing dialogue scenes -- trying to make the scene description do double duty as much as possible, so that it's not just a random description of what they're doing, but more pertinent to plot or characterization. *makes mental note*

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