![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Okay, actually I was thinking about the "make the characters marry and give them kids!" trope and the "illegitimate child" trope and why I don't like them, which then lead to thoughts about romance and why it is I'm not a fan of romance, and I came to realize something.
There's a number of reasons why I'm not a big fan of romance. That it often leads to sex - and the idea that it isn't romance without sex - being one of them. But I used to think it was also because of over-saturation of romance in most movies, shows and books, whether the romance is just an interest with no official "getting together" or the getting together plus sex.
What I came to realize is that it isn't so much the over saturation of romance alone, but the idea that a character can't have a happily-ever-after unless the ending also includes them getting with someone, or having someone we know they are about to get with. In other words, it's the portrayal that a character can't be happy without some kind of romance or physical relationship, and if they've never had a romantic or physical relationship then it's because their lives suck and woe is them, or they're regarded as weirdos or losers.
Which, of course, isn't true. Using myself as an example (which means major confession time, but it's nothing I'm ashamed to confess) I've never had a romantic relationship, I've never been on a date, I've never had sex and I've never even been kissed. And you know what? I'm totally okay with that. I've had some really great guy friends in my life who I could be myself around, I've had a crush that actually panned out even though it didn't lead to any actual dating (and it was a rather short friendship since he was a senior and I was a freshmen). That I've never been on a date or been kissed isn't something I lament. And while one of my dreams is to get married and have children, if it doesn't happen, then that's okay. I'll survive.
So if romance doesn't happen for my characters, that's okay, too. Don't get me wrong, some of my stories may include a bit of romance, and I do like the idea of my characters eventually having someone (depending on the character). But with some of my stories, there either isn't a romantic relationship, or I hint at the character possibly getting together "off-screen" but while also leaving it open if someone wants to read it as an on-going friendship.
And I also think it's why I get frustrated with people who see romance or sex in everything (and... not push those viewpoints onto others - that's putting it a bit too strongly - but are vocal to the point where it sometimes feels like they're trying to push those view points) and it's not simply because I'm not a fan of romance. I mean, yes, people are going to view things how they want and they can, but sometimes I feel like it does a disservice to non-romantic relationships, like... non-romantic relationships are less or not good enough, and that all that matters is romantic/sexual relationships, or that the relationship or story would be so much better if it was romantic or sexual. While I know a story doesn't need romance to do well, there are times when I'll worry about a story not doing well because there's no romance (there was a time I honestly believed a story had to have romance, and that all stories had to have some kind of romance if you wanted that story to do well).
And I'm not saying all this because I'm hoping people will write less romance or be less vocal about how they view a fictional relationship (and I say fictional because I will be honest and say that I feel real people slash/het is kind of crossing a line). And I'm definitely trying not to make anyone feel guilty, because I know people see romance in things because that's what they enjoy and not because they think romance is the only relationship that matters (although, yes, there are some crazies who think it's the only relationship two people can have). It's just something I came to realize about myself and my views on romance.
There's a number of reasons why I'm not a big fan of romance. That it often leads to sex - and the idea that it isn't romance without sex - being one of them. But I used to think it was also because of over-saturation of romance in most movies, shows and books, whether the romance is just an interest with no official "getting together" or the getting together plus sex.
What I came to realize is that it isn't so much the over saturation of romance alone, but the idea that a character can't have a happily-ever-after unless the ending also includes them getting with someone, or having someone we know they are about to get with. In other words, it's the portrayal that a character can't be happy without some kind of romance or physical relationship, and if they've never had a romantic or physical relationship then it's because their lives suck and woe is them, or they're regarded as weirdos or losers.
Which, of course, isn't true. Using myself as an example (which means major confession time, but it's nothing I'm ashamed to confess) I've never had a romantic relationship, I've never been on a date, I've never had sex and I've never even been kissed. And you know what? I'm totally okay with that. I've had some really great guy friends in my life who I could be myself around, I've had a crush that actually panned out even though it didn't lead to any actual dating (and it was a rather short friendship since he was a senior and I was a freshmen). That I've never been on a date or been kissed isn't something I lament. And while one of my dreams is to get married and have children, if it doesn't happen, then that's okay. I'll survive.
So if romance doesn't happen for my characters, that's okay, too. Don't get me wrong, some of my stories may include a bit of romance, and I do like the idea of my characters eventually having someone (depending on the character). But with some of my stories, there either isn't a romantic relationship, or I hint at the character possibly getting together "off-screen" but while also leaving it open if someone wants to read it as an on-going friendship.
And I also think it's why I get frustrated with people who see romance or sex in everything (and... not push those viewpoints onto others - that's putting it a bit too strongly - but are vocal to the point where it sometimes feels like they're trying to push those view points) and it's not simply because I'm not a fan of romance. I mean, yes, people are going to view things how they want and they can, but sometimes I feel like it does a disservice to non-romantic relationships, like... non-romantic relationships are less or not good enough, and that all that matters is romantic/sexual relationships, or that the relationship or story would be so much better if it was romantic or sexual. While I know a story doesn't need romance to do well, there are times when I'll worry about a story not doing well because there's no romance (there was a time I honestly believed a story had to have romance, and that all stories had to have some kind of romance if you wanted that story to do well).
And I'm not saying all this because I'm hoping people will write less romance or be less vocal about how they view a fictional relationship (and I say fictional because I will be honest and say that I feel real people slash/het is kind of crossing a line). And I'm definitely trying not to make anyone feel guilty, because I know people see romance in things because that's what they enjoy and not because they think romance is the only relationship that matters (although, yes, there are some crazies who think it's the only relationship two people can have). It's just something I came to realize about myself and my views on romance.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2014-03-01 04:45 pm (UTC)From:One of the biggest aggravations for me (aside from the "now we can have pointless sex scenes!" thing :P) is the way that romances tend to totally take over the plotlines. I don't mean in a natural way - that that kind of connection with a person can be a major life change, and (especially in the first excitement) will become a large part of your thoughts and plans.
I've often questioned why I instinctively groan when a new love interest is introduced into a TV show. It's not that I don't think a relationship would be good for the character. It's not that I hate romance on principle. But I just know, 99% of the time, that from that point on ALL the drama on the show is going to be somehow connected to this romance. The relationship is always on the verge of breaking up - but takes forever to actually get there, if it ever does. The character can no longer have any personal problems that aren't somehow mostly about their boyfriend/girlfriend. Most of the time there are Major Obstacles intended to create drama and tension but which really make the relationship just look like an incredibly stupid idea all around (and yet anyone in the show who points that out, rather than being seen as caring about those people and having valid concerns, is usually being an evol irrational killjoy). Their relationships with the rest of the main cast fade into utter insignificance. Annnd in an ensemble all the other cast members who USED to play key, fun roles take a back seat or are ignored entirely. Because EVERYTHING IS ROMANCE, regardless of what the show was originally about, and which (platonic) relationships have drawn fans to it for however-many-episodes-have-come-before.
And, heh, I had a brief mental crisis about this a while back as regards my own book. I'm pretty much where you are - I like the idea of many or most of my own characters winding up with someone eventually, but it's not particularly something I plan into the story. Then I realized that so much of the YA writing advice I was reading seemed to assume that a romance was going to be key to the plot, and I wondered if that was going to be a problem. Because mine... has not a hint of even a puppy love infatuation from any of the characters at this point. It's just not relevant to the plot, the characters, or where anything's at. The main character is definitely not winding up with someone in this, and nothing's going to suggest he might. And I wondered if that would be a problem for marketing...
But then I realized that I don't care, because I don't think a romance would make that story better, and I'm not going to cram one in for the sake of it. XP
no subject
Date: 2014-03-01 08:38 pm (UTC)From:I often feel bad for characters introduced as love interests because it's difficult not to be immediately wary of their presence - not because of their character, but because of myriad ways the show will attempt to make the romance "interesting" or "drawn out." And, yeah, then make so much of the plot center around that romance. Then poor romantic interest ends up taking the brunt of our annoyance.
What's funny is that in my current story I do have two characters who I plan to make show a bit of a romantic interest in each other. But the more I plan it, the lighter that interest becomes (in fact I need to be careful that it doesn't end up one-sided. Especially since, at the end, the characters don't exactly get together - I leave that open-ended - but more that one of the characters finally knows what they're going to do with their life). My brain is becoming surprisingly good at steering away from romance instead of toward.