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Okay, actually I was thinking about the "make the characters marry and give them kids!" trope and the "illegitimate child" trope and why I don't like them, which then lead to thoughts about romance and why it is I'm not a fan of romance, and I came to realize something.
There's a number of reasons why I'm not a big fan of romance. That it often leads to sex - and the idea that it isn't romance without sex - being one of them. But I used to think it was also because of over-saturation of romance in most movies, shows and books, whether the romance is just an interest with no official "getting together" or the getting together plus sex.
What I came to realize is that it isn't so much the over saturation of romance alone, but the idea that a character can't have a happily-ever-after unless the ending also includes them getting with someone, or having someone we know they are about to get with. In other words, it's the portrayal that a character can't be happy without some kind of romance or physical relationship, and if they've never had a romantic or physical relationship then it's because their lives suck and woe is them, or they're regarded as weirdos or losers.
Which, of course, isn't true. Using myself as an example (which means major confession time, but it's nothing I'm ashamed to confess) I've never had a romantic relationship, I've never been on a date, I've never had sex and I've never even been kissed. And you know what? I'm totally okay with that. I've had some really great guy friends in my life who I could be myself around, I've had a crush that actually panned out even though it didn't lead to any actual dating (and it was a rather short friendship since he was a senior and I was a freshmen). That I've never been on a date or been kissed isn't something I lament. And while one of my dreams is to get married and have children, if it doesn't happen, then that's okay. I'll survive.
So if romance doesn't happen for my characters, that's okay, too. Don't get me wrong, some of my stories may include a bit of romance, and I do like the idea of my characters eventually having someone (depending on the character). But with some of my stories, there either isn't a romantic relationship, or I hint at the character possibly getting together "off-screen" but while also leaving it open if someone wants to read it as an on-going friendship.
And I also think it's why I get frustrated with people who see romance or sex in everything (and... not push those viewpoints onto others - that's putting it a bit too strongly - but are vocal to the point where it sometimes feels like they're trying to push those view points) and it's not simply because I'm not a fan of romance. I mean, yes, people are going to view things how they want and they can, but sometimes I feel like it does a disservice to non-romantic relationships, like... non-romantic relationships are less or not good enough, and that all that matters is romantic/sexual relationships, or that the relationship or story would be so much better if it was romantic or sexual. While I know a story doesn't need romance to do well, there are times when I'll worry about a story not doing well because there's no romance (there was a time I honestly believed a story had to have romance, and that all stories had to have some kind of romance if you wanted that story to do well).
And I'm not saying all this because I'm hoping people will write less romance or be less vocal about how they view a fictional relationship (and I say fictional because I will be honest and say that I feel real people slash/het is kind of crossing a line). And I'm definitely trying not to make anyone feel guilty, because I know people see romance in things because that's what they enjoy and not because they think romance is the only relationship that matters (although, yes, there are some crazies who think it's the only relationship two people can have). It's just something I came to realize about myself and my views on romance.
There's a number of reasons why I'm not a big fan of romance. That it often leads to sex - and the idea that it isn't romance without sex - being one of them. But I used to think it was also because of over-saturation of romance in most movies, shows and books, whether the romance is just an interest with no official "getting together" or the getting together plus sex.
What I came to realize is that it isn't so much the over saturation of romance alone, but the idea that a character can't have a happily-ever-after unless the ending also includes them getting with someone, or having someone we know they are about to get with. In other words, it's the portrayal that a character can't be happy without some kind of romance or physical relationship, and if they've never had a romantic or physical relationship then it's because their lives suck and woe is them, or they're regarded as weirdos or losers.
Which, of course, isn't true. Using myself as an example (which means major confession time, but it's nothing I'm ashamed to confess) I've never had a romantic relationship, I've never been on a date, I've never had sex and I've never even been kissed. And you know what? I'm totally okay with that. I've had some really great guy friends in my life who I could be myself around, I've had a crush that actually panned out even though it didn't lead to any actual dating (and it was a rather short friendship since he was a senior and I was a freshmen). That I've never been on a date or been kissed isn't something I lament. And while one of my dreams is to get married and have children, if it doesn't happen, then that's okay. I'll survive.
So if romance doesn't happen for my characters, that's okay, too. Don't get me wrong, some of my stories may include a bit of romance, and I do like the idea of my characters eventually having someone (depending on the character). But with some of my stories, there either isn't a romantic relationship, or I hint at the character possibly getting together "off-screen" but while also leaving it open if someone wants to read it as an on-going friendship.
And I also think it's why I get frustrated with people who see romance or sex in everything (and... not push those viewpoints onto others - that's putting it a bit too strongly - but are vocal to the point where it sometimes feels like they're trying to push those view points) and it's not simply because I'm not a fan of romance. I mean, yes, people are going to view things how they want and they can, but sometimes I feel like it does a disservice to non-romantic relationships, like... non-romantic relationships are less or not good enough, and that all that matters is romantic/sexual relationships, or that the relationship or story would be so much better if it was romantic or sexual. While I know a story doesn't need romance to do well, there are times when I'll worry about a story not doing well because there's no romance (there was a time I honestly believed a story had to have romance, and that all stories had to have some kind of romance if you wanted that story to do well).
And I'm not saying all this because I'm hoping people will write less romance or be less vocal about how they view a fictional relationship (and I say fictional because I will be honest and say that I feel real people slash/het is kind of crossing a line). And I'm definitely trying not to make anyone feel guilty, because I know people see romance in things because that's what they enjoy and not because they think romance is the only relationship that matters (although, yes, there are some crazies who think it's the only relationship two people can have). It's just something I came to realize about myself and my views on romance.
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Date: 2014-03-07 03:01 am (UTC)From:But that's another problem, too. People write shows in such a way that two characters getting together would make a good place for it to "end" instead of it just being another part of their life... like I was worried that Fringe would go downhill after the two characters got together, but they actually handled it really well and didn't let it change things too much, and it's kind of hard to explain why/how they did it well without giving things away and also having to write 15 paragraphs on explaining the show.